The Hardest Post to Write

Hi all; this is going to be a short post.

I’m not going to sugar coat this and say that I’m working through whats going on and that everything is fine because that’s a lie.

On Thursday, June 21st, at 6:17 AM, my dad died. He was in the hospital for a while and was having some trouble getting his blood pressure down. He was discharged Wednesday afternoon after spending four and one half days there. We went out to dinner and shopped at Target. Anyone who knows my family knows that I love Target and my dad did not like browsing stores. We went to target and browsed. We smelled the candles and found walrus socks. We went home and relaxed.

On Thursday morning, after talking and cuddling with each other, mom walked out of the bedroom and found him sprawled on the couch. She thought he was asleep. Later she realized he was too yellow and too unresponsive. She called 911, but he was probably gone before she even called.

A nurse who lives behind us had come over and later said that, as she was running the code, she never felt a pulse or heard a breath. The doctors don’t know why he died. His funeral was on Tuesday.

I won’t say I’m doing perfectly fine. My emotions are a mess. I have been clashing between needing to get out of the house to focus on something else and needing to be at home in my blanket with ice cream and Netflix. I want to constantly be at my mother’s side helping her and catering to her every need but I also recognize the need to keep up with my mental health.

Pray for us all as we go through this rough time and forgive me for the lack of posts.

Kathleen Lucille

Passionate Causes

I am passionate about many causes. I think everyone is passionate about something, they may have more or less causes they are passionate about on varying levels of passion, but in short, everyone cares about something. Hopefully.

1. Gun Control

This for me isn’t about nobody having guns. This is about it being harder for people to get guns. Two people on tumblr said this:

“The kids’ response to the shooting has been something truly incredible. Normally, it’s always been very young children and it’s only their parents that can speak about it. The narrative gets controlled, the conspiracy theorists talk about how it’s all an act, so much bullsh*t. But these are kids who are active on social media, incredibly close to voting age, and they’re demanding their voices are heard. Every single thing that downplays, dismisses or conspiracies the shooting has been subverted by their efforts, and they’re not letting adults who’ve never lived what the lived through control the narrative. ‘It was a conspiracy!’ ‘No we have video evidence of it happening.’ ‘Shouldn’t you be calling 911 instead of making videos?’ ‘We called 911 so many times they told us to stop.’ ‘But he was a troubled child!’ ‘We are ALL troubled, that’s no excuse.’ and it just goes on like this.”

-wolfnanaki

“I said to my husband the other day that, ‘This one feels different,’ referring to this precisely. The whole energy around it feels different These kids are not having this bullsh*it, and while they should not have to stand their ground and fight this battle, godd*mn it they are going to. If the adults won’t, then god*amn it these kids will draw a line and say ‘no, no more, this is bullsh*t.’ I don’t know what it means or how it will play out long term. But there a sense around this whole tragedy that this one is different, and I hope, maybe, that means some actual change is going to come.

-systlin

The fact that it is taking kids to stand up and say “No, I’m done, this needs to change,” is appalling to me. I hate it.

2. Pro-Life Movement

I am Pro-Life. I don’t mean to say that rape is ok, I will get to that soon. For me, Pro-life includes not using birth control.

“You don’t need birth control, you need self-control.”

-Fr. Mike Schmitz

“My body, my choice” applies to so many things that I agree with such as consent to sex (for me, marital sex, not pre-marital) is a my body, my choice situation. Doctor’s and treatments is a my body, my choice situation. But does your body have two heads, four hands, four legs, two beating hearts, and two different sets of DNA? If it were your body, you would die as well. The word abortion itself comes from the word abort (abort mission) which we all know means end.

Just because abortion is legal does not make it right; remember slavery?

–standtrue.com

3. Feminism

This one post sums up everything I have to say so I am just going to leave it at this.

Kathleen Lucille

My Morning Routine

Hello everyone, long time no see!

It’s been a busy month, right now my grandma is in town for my sister’s confirmation on Sunday so we have been having a lot of family time. Yesterday, I took my dog to the dog park and on the way to the gas station (on the way home) I ran out of gas. It was an interesting situation seeing as it was my first time by myself, but I figured it out.

So today is a Morning Routine post! Let’s get started!

I usually wake up around seven or eight. If I was working the night before, I may sleep in until eight-thirty. I usually sit on my phone for a bit, checking emails, scrolling through Pinterest. As soon as I’m ready for the possibility of talking to people, I head into the kitchen to make my breakfast.

This morning I had a Spinach Mushroom bowl with an egg. I really love this because the soft yoke of the egg acts like a dressing for the spinach and mushroom. Other mornings I will just fry an egg, make some toast, and cut up an orange.

After this I move into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

These are the products I use every morning for my skin. I start off with my Peter Thomas Roth Water Drench Creme Cleanser. I have talked about this so much you guys must thing I’m sponsored but I’m not. I have actually been using a First Aid Beauty cleanser but I ran out so I’m using this until I go pick up some more. Then I exfoliate with the Biore Pore Unclogging Scrub. Again, I’ve talked about this so much so you all know what I think of it. Lastly, I moisturize using the Glam Glow Glowstarter Mega Illuminating Moisturizer. I wouldn’t say it is as illuminating as it says it is, but it does give me a healthy glow.

Once my face is washed and I am 100% awake, I have to get dressed. We are just started spring here so it is a little chilly most of the time. because I am usually pretty cold anyways, I am still wearing my warm sweaters.

Then I just clean up my room and get started on my school!

Kathleen Lucille

Q+A Questions!!

Hi my lovely readers!

This is super quick today but I am taking questions for a Q and A next week! Submit them in the comment section and I will answer them in the next post; they can be about anything beauty, health, lifestyle, faith related!

See you soon!

Everyday Makeup Routine

Hello everyone! Happy Monday! This month has been so crazy for me, I’m getting ready to move in a little under a month, on March 24th to be exact, so things are only going to get busier. I’m hoping that after the move is over I will have a lot more time to write, because I really miss blogging, and Kathleen’s posts have been so inspiring lately!

Today I’m going to be sharing my everyday makeup routine with you all, or more like my everyday essential makeup products. Lately I haven’t been wearing as much makeup on a daily basis, and I only wear more on special occasions. You’ll probably notice this difference if you read my past “Everyday Makeup Routine” post on our old blog.

I’m definitely not a beauty expert of any kind, but I do love writing about makeup, and I hope you all enjoy these sorts of posts too!

Here is my everyday look. If I could use a few words to describe it, they would be glowy, natural, and simple. This look only takes me about five – ten minutes everyday! So I think it’s perfect for anyone to fit into their busy routine.

To start off, I use my NYX First Base Primer Spray. Up until about a month ago I didn’t really use primer, but this spray has really helped clear my skin, and I like having a barrier between my face and makeup. Next, I use the Maybelline BB Fresh BB Cream. This is obviously not full coverage, so it gives a much more natural look, but keeps your skin glowy and fresh.

Now onto concealer- I use the Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer under my eyes and on my eyelids, and I use the Maybelline FitMe Powder all over my face to smooth everything out. If I could choose only one face product to use of all these, it would be this powder!

Next, I fill in my eyebrows lightly with the Elf Pencil/Brush Duo (I don’t know what the actual name for this is) and go over my brows with the Elf Clear Brow/Mascara Duo. I’ve tried many different products for my brows, and these are by far my favorite. I was really surprised with the quality, because both of these products are only $2 at Target.

After my brows, I contour lightly with the Anastasia Beverly Hills Glow Kit in Sundipped. I use this pallet to bronze and highlight my face.

Lastly, I use the Maybelline Blushed Nudes pallet for my eyes, and the Loreal Voluminous Lash Paradise mascara for my eyelashes. This mascara is honestly the drugstore version of the Better Than Sex mascara, which is super overpriced in my opinion. To finish off the look, I use the Elf Makeup Mist & Set setting spray.

I hope you all enjoyed this post! Let me know if you’d like to see more makeup posts in the future!

-Emma ❤

Forgiving Yourself

Before I even really get into this, there are a few things you need to know about me. Number 1: I’m an awkward person. I don’t know why, I just am. Number 2: I love quotes. Anyone who was at my 8^th grade graduation knows that my speech was basically a really long quote that probably belonged on Instagram or something. This doesn’t have quite as many quotes in it. Number 3 is a little bit harder: I have an anxiety disorder. I’m not going to get into that two much because this isn’t about the past year and how it affected me, its about now and how I forgave myself. I’m going to give you a little background because I think it might help you understand be able to take more from this talk.

I started having anxiety when I was a sophomore. I didn’t know why but I was absolutely terrified. I don’t like crying in front of people so I held it all in and didn’t let anyone know for a few months, not even my own mother. Which I really should have done because I could’ve avoided so much pain. I should’ve trusted her. My grandmother died the following January. That was a really hard hit and considering how emotionally unstable I was at that point, it didn’t help my anxiety at all. I went to go see a therapist for about a year. Through that year of therapy sessions, we discovered that I had panic attacks caused by confrontation. I felt like whenever I had anxiety other people were annoyed. I felt like it was my fault when others were annoyed. But it wasn’t. I needed to learn that if their name isn’t God, their opinion doesn’t matter and their approval isn’t needed. So, even though I’m having a little panic attack inside, I will not be ashamed of my story, because chances are, it may inspire some of you.

Now, this is about forgiveness. Something I think about is how people often associate forgiveness with a disagreement you had with a friend or a member of your family. For me, forgiveness meant forgiving myself. A few months ago, I was beating myself up for keeping my anxiety such a secret, unable to forgive myself. Then I realized that in the big picture of life, no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future. But it’s hard to forgive yourself and move on when you feel like it’s your fault and you don’t deserve it.

My dog is a good example of what to do (what I should have done.) So, background, my dog is a little 10-pound Yorkshire Terrier who acts like he is a Great Dane. His ears are huge and at first glance, he is sooo cute. Then he jumps at you and barks at you and demands that you give him treats to calm down. Papi is very protective of his property. Essentially this dog thinks he owns the world and everything on it. A few nights ago, I was letting him out to do business before going to sleep. Normally, at this time of night, he is sleepy and he waddles his way out and then, when he is finished, he waddles his way back in. This time, he bolted to the darkest corner of the yard and started barking. I was running out, in the freezing cold, to get him inside when I saw that he cornered to possum, a mom and her baby, in the corner. When I tell people about this, they think “What is a possum going to do to your dog? They just play dead.” That’s not true for an animal their own size. He could’ve gotten into a fight with this mother possum. My point is, he doesn’t think about these things. He just does them. Now I understand that he is a dog and, for him, it’s just instinct. But here’s a question: why isn’t it instinct for us to understand and forgive ourselves? Why don’t we just jump in and forgive ourselves without thinking about it? Why do we think we don’t deserve that?

Without forgiving myself, there is no way I could ever have accepted that anxiety is going to be a part of my life forever. I am never going to get rid of it.

But through forgiveness I have accepted and learned many things. I learned that looking forward to simple moments and realistically thinking about actions and consequences eliminates a major part of my anxiety. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel any anxiety at all anymore because I certainly do. I have so much anxiety about college. But I’m working on it, it’s a work in progress.

Right now, I’m at a point in my life where peace is my priority and negativity cannot exist. I have to make a conscious effort to always remember that for every inch of sadness lies a foot of happiness ahead. I remember that crazy chances (even though they often make me anxious) guide us to unexpected discoveries and that tough times unveil the true sincerity of your closest friends. I’ve learned that you have to hold on to your smile every day and free yourself of your sadness. Even though so few people saw it, rock bottom became the sold foundation on which I rebuilt my life. So, no matter who you are, or what you are going through, let’s come together, root for each-other, and watch each-other grow.

An Assessment of 2017

Instead of writing a post about my New Year’s Resolution like I did last year, I’m going to asses my last year.

Last year I powered through a panic attack without my mom. If you have read anything or came from the old blog you will know that my mom is an anchor for me while I’m having panic attacks. I’m leaving for college in about a year and a half, so I have to stop relying on her all the time and learn how to cope by myself. That terrifies me. What made me proud of this moment was that she was in the same building as I was, but I didn’t go to her.

In January, I went on the March for Life with Mother of Divine Grace (my online school, MODG) The night before the March, I went to the dance MODG puts together for the high schoolers. I got an amazing dress, and had a sleepover with 4 friends. We all got ready together and drove to the dance. It was one of the best nights of my life.

If I could travel back in time to New Year’s Eve 2016 and give myself some advice, I would tell myself that it is going to be a hard year. Be prepared for pain but know that growth is going to come of it. On New Year’s Eve, my grandma died. She was French, so we called her Memére. She had cancer but it was so sudden. We knew that she was having trouble breathing, they were constantly draining her lungs, so we knew it wasn’t far off, but when I found out, it felt like elephants were sitting on me. I could barely talk and, even worse, I couldn’t sing. Music always relieves me while I’m grieving, but I couldn’t sin or play piano. Even listening to music was hard. I didn’t know what to do, so I just lived with the grief for a while. It was hard but it went away eventually. Whenever I think about her death for a long period of time, the weight comes back, in fact, I’m feeling it now. January was the hardest month for me, but I have learned from it and moved on.

I decided that I was not going to try and please others anymore. Only myself. By pleasing others, I mean trying to keep others happy at the cost of my mental health. I just started by refusing to move out of someone’s way until they asked me to move. It sounds ridiculous but it started me on this path of putting myself first (in the good, healthy way) I still loving helping people, but I will not do it if my mind or health is put at risk because of it.

I learned two important things this year. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the ability to create happy experiences. I spent a lot of money on things that won’t benefit me in the long run. Basically, impulse buying all the time. In 2018, I am going to make a conscious effort to save money and only spend it if I need to. Wait for love; even if you don’t get it, the patience you will receive is amazing. This past year I read a book called ‘How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.’ I learned so many things from this book including what I said above about waiting for love. What I didn’t learn from the book but already new just anchored me into my ways. I feel strong in my standards for dating and boys/men.

In November, I visited Benedictine College. I was so uncomfortable. There was a girl who was walking us to visit the Chair of the Mass Communications major I’m interested in. Mom mentioned to her that we were going to miss the dorm tour so she took us to visit her dorm. She took us into her room, gave us a tour and even opened her closet to me. (They were actually two wall walk-in closets!!) The fact that she was so willing to do this for me just made me feel so good. I was a total stranger, but she did this and I felt completely at ease. She was so kind.

Collette Butler influenced me a lot this year. You probably all know about the Shaytards scandal. I was horrified to find that a man I have looked to as a second father would ever do such a thing to his wife and family. I admire Collette so much for her un-wavering strength and fidelity.

My most important goals for the upcoming year are to save money, eat healthy, and dive even further into strengthening my mental health. This is my last full year at home before going to college and I intend to take full advantage of my parent’s experience. I plan on saving up for a flight to travel by myself and conquer a little bit of my anxiety about being by myself.

Three words that best describe 2017 for me are pain, learning, and growth. As I consider the rest of my life, 100% of what I have learned this year will be useful to me forever

Self-care Night

Welcome to post #4 of the Beautiful Skin Series! I am so excited about this post I have for you all today.

Today we are going to be talking about self-care, not just skin care. I felt like this post was important for the Beautiful Skin Series because having an overall good mental health is (in my opinion) even more important than a healthy-looking exterior… if that makes sense.

1st I am going to share a few quotes I found on Tumblr over the past couple weeks about self-care, or at least my perception of self-care. Then we will talk about our “Self-care Night”.

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Every two weeks or so, I like to have this thing called a Self-care night. I challenge every reader to do the same one night this week, even if you feel like you’re “too busy” or “don’t have the time”. It’s worth it, I promise.

First things first, tonight I decided to take a bath. I’m using a bath bomb from this cute store that’s sort of like Lush that we have in the mall near me, but you can use anything from bath fizzers to bath salts or nothing at all. I’m also going to be lighting this candle from Bath and Body Works (White Barn) called ‘Tis the Season. It smells sooooo good and really sets the calming mood for the bath. I turn off all the lights in my bathroom and turn on some calming music on my bluetooth speaker, but that’s 100% up to you. Whatever makes you feel relaxed.

After my bath, I am using this African Black Soap Clarifying Mud Mask by Shea Moisture. It is made with Tamarind Extract and Tea Tree Oil, and is made from blemish prone skin, so it will not cause acne (whoop whoop!). I love that this brand is cruelty free, family owned and operated, and uses all natural/organic ingredients to make their masks, so you can feel great about what you are putting on your skin. This was my first time using this mask after I got it in a gift box from Ulta.

The mask went on super smooth and had a milky texture. I can say with no doubt that this was the best face mask I have ever used, so I highly recommend that you try it out!

Lastly, I put on some cozy pajamas and decided to watch Spiderman Homecoming with my family. It always relaxes me when I can lay by the Christmas tree and snuggle up with my kitten, Jasper and just watch a movie.

Here’s a list of some other ideas of things to do before bed:

• Read a book
• Write in your journal
• Read the bible
• Listen to some music
• Draw in a sketchbook
• Play with your pets

Basically just do anything that relaxes you that you might not take the time out to do any other night of the week.

I hope you all enjoyed this post, I loved writing it for you all! Let me know in the comments if you decide to follow the challenge and have your own self-care night!

-Emma ❤